Enough.

I have thought, for some time, that what I was doing was "enough". That working closely with the earth, providing food for my family, shopping locally, being careful with our precious resources, honoring our ancestors...that doing all these things, and more, and teaching the importance of these actions to my children, was not only just a basic requirement of my mothering instincts, but "enough". Today, I feel differently. Today, and recently, my sadness for our earth and its protectors has overwhelmed me. How can I simultaneously be so filled with frustration, sadness, fear, longing, anger and love? So very much love, for those brave people who in many cases have risked or given up jobs, school, families, and more for this calling. Though the immediate case may be to protect their indigenous rights and spiritual spaces, they have time and again been the ones to stand up for what is truly right for our entire earth. And have time and again, had taken what is rightfully theirs, despite promises and treaties. 

I realize, there is hope in all of this. An opportunity for many people to come together for a common cause. And I see it. It's tangible, this collective concern, about an issue that affects every single one of us. Maybe not tomorrow, or the next day, but quite possible in my lifetime, and most certainly my children's. This dependency on fossil fuels, combined with ignorance and greed, will eventually cost us all our lives as we know them. 

And here I am. Overwhelmed by grief and love, and this urge to be there helping. And anger that other people aren't angry; people that have the means to do more than I. No amount of knitting can help this cause right now, or calm me down, and every able bodied person could be doing at least one more thing to help preserve the very essence of what we are made of. 

A Thanksgiving Giveaway.

My dear friends, I have decided to have a little giveaway in thanks to everyone who has supported and continues to support myself and other small farms. I will be giving away one free skein of our "Phinela" yarn, which is a luxurious blend of 40% Kid Mohair and 60% Finn Sheep from our Naturally raised Angora Goats and Finn Sheep. This yarn is truly soft enough to wear next to your skin (my daughter was the true test of this!), has beautiful luster, takes dyes beautifully, and it won't pill like merino or alpaca.

I am only asking that you share. Share my website and let me know in the comments below, share my Instagram post about the giveaway and let me know over there. Do this by 9:00pm on Thanksgiving day, and I will share with one of you a lovely skein of my yarn. Thanks, Blessings and Love to you all.

 P.S. If you have any knitters or fiber lovers in your life, consider heading over to my Etsy shop for Holiday gifts!

*Giveaway is for one skein of yarn in color "sand".

Putting in the Seed

I am sitting here at 11:30 at night, listening to the steady beat of rain outside my window. I am still feeling like I'm not quite sure about the proximity of winter; ready for rest and reprieve, but not really relishing the thought of being stuck inside a tiny space with stomach bugs, colds, and bitter temperatures. So, naturally, my mind has already begun to wander toward springtime. That's maybe a little bit crazy, but it is what gets me through. 

While visiting the Robert Frost Place this fall with the children, I came across one of his poems that I had never heard before, and fell in love:

Putting in the Seed

“You come to fetch me from my work tonight
When supper’s on the table, and we’ll see
If I can leave off burying the white
Soft petals fallen from the apple tree
(Soft petals, yes, but not so barren quite,
Mingled with these, smooth bean and wrinkled pea;)
And go along with you ere you lose sight
Of what you came for and become like me,
Slave to a springtime passion for the earth.
How Love burns through the Putting in the Seed
On through the watching for that early birth
When, just as the soil tarnishes with weed,
The sturdy seedling with arched body comes
Shouldering its way and shedding the earth crumbs.”

                                        - Robert Frost

Meanwhile, I am doing my utmost to enjoy the Autumn light, while planting garlic (400 bulbs!), braiding onions, making elderberry tinctures and fire cider, baking bread and keeping everyone on fresh pasture daily while the ground remains thawed. And finding some time to knit too, of course...

In Sorrow.

I am struggling to find the words for how I have felt today. I surprised myself by crying alone in the car on the way into town, and then have continued to do so throughout the day; even now. My instinct has been to go and be in the garden, and tell my children how much I love them.

But today, my heart felt so very very heavy. Elections come and go, but this...this. This felt like someone had pulled the rug from under me. I believe most mothers around me with young daughters, and sons, are sharing the same feelings as I...anger, hurt, confusion, fear and many other emotions. 

My feelings of utter sadness and sorrow are also linked with a tremendous amount of love for the many others who are sharing in this experience. I have a daughter...a smart, sensitive, loving, courageous daughter to whom I must explain this situation. And it hurts. It hurts to try and keep from projecting my own thoughts and feelings onto her. It hurts to look at her and think that any man, let alone a supposed leader of our country, could make her think or feel that she is anything less than amazing and wonderful.

I keep waiting for that moment when the tiny spark of hope in my soul becomes bright enough for me to recognize it, as it always has. I know it will, but for now, I will love my family, and utter prayers of thanks for all that I have, and prayers of love to those whose lives and beliefs are now threatened. I will keep bringing my daughter close and teaching her that in no way, under any circumstances, is another human being allowed to talk to and treat her the way this man does to others. 

As my daughter fell asleep beside me this evening, I held her, and cried again, praying for she and all the young women of our country. 

Autumn

This Autumn has been spectacular...lovely temperatures and stunning foliage. And finally, the winding down I've been waiting for; that part took longer than I had anticipated. 

This week has been filled with those strong instincts to nest, and pull inside a bit more. Cleaning and purging, making proverbial, and literal, space for all of our energy and physical being. I don't remember that same feeling where we lived before...perhaps because we had more square footage to spread out. I've always been more comfortable in smaller spaces, but even I am having to learn to simplify a good bit. And with that process, I am gradually loving it here more, bit by bit.

That being said, I am also feeling like this place needs more of our personality on the outside. A fresh coat (and new color!) of paint on the exterior would do wonders, but is really not a need at this point, so it's been bumped to the bottom of the list. But, small patches of garden that we've planted around the house will hopefully emerge in the Spring and fill some of the bare spots.

We have a few new friends that have joined us here at the farm, most notably the two smallest and furriest of them all; two bunnies named Rain and Lightening...saved, purchased and cared for entirely by the two youngest people in the house. And perhaps not so notably (except by the resident lady angora goats around here), a Buck for breeding. More on that later.

Otherwise, winter preparation in all forms has commenced!