I am struggling to find the words for how I have felt today. I surprised myself by crying alone in the car on the way into town, and then have continued to do so throughout the day; even now. My instinct has been to go and be in the garden, and tell my children how much I love them.
But today, my heart felt so very very heavy. Elections come and go, but this...this. This felt like someone had pulled the rug from under me. I believe most mothers around me with young daughters, and sons, are sharing the same feelings as I...anger, hurt, confusion, fear and many other emotions.
My feelings of utter sadness and sorrow are also linked with a tremendous amount of love for the many others who are sharing in this experience. I have a daughter...a smart, sensitive, loving, courageous daughter to whom I must explain this situation. And it hurts. It hurts to try and keep from projecting my own thoughts and feelings onto her. It hurts to look at her and think that any man, let alone a supposed leader of our country, could make her think or feel that she is anything less than amazing and wonderful.
I keep waiting for that moment when the tiny spark of hope in my soul becomes bright enough for me to recognize it, as it always has. I know it will, but for now, I will love my family, and utter prayers of thanks for all that I have, and prayers of love to those whose lives and beliefs are now threatened. I will keep bringing my daughter close and teaching her that in no way, under any circumstances, is another human being allowed to talk to and treat her the way this man does to others.
As my daughter fell asleep beside me this evening, I held her, and cried again, praying for she and all the young women of our country.